A crazy game of poker

Number 3 has been a long time in coming. Sadly, the source of my motivation for most blog postings is procrastination; with only 4 hours of classes, procrastination (other than the Clusterfuck the Swim Test has turned out to be) has been a non-factor in the final undergraduate semester of Alex. But with a midterm tomorrow at 11, the hour for inspiration is upon me.

3."UNC Law"- The odd game of chance that is my Law School decision process goes a bit like this: I have a hand I've built over the past four years here at UNC, all those facecard friends, random pairs that worked out (or didn't quite match up) and the unlucky number card that slipped in somehow that just keeps me from a full house or a straight. Maybe if I hold on to the Ace and clear the rest of the hand, I'll end up a winner (Austin, anyone?) or maybe I'll pull one dog of a hand. That's the gamble I'm looking at right now, and the stakes are pretty high. But something is holding up the game right now, and that something is a letter from UNC Law. I never said the acceptance letter, or the denial letter, or the waitlist letter, and the reason I never said is because I don't know which letter it will be. I'm waiting on any letter at all, and that's the problem; it's like having a 5 card hand, with 3 face down. Because until that letter gets here, I'm not playing with a full hand. And this is all the more ridiculous when one considers that on April 15th, the other schools that somehow found the time to admit a poor Phipps will be expecting some sort of Deposit to confirm my decisions. One finds it hard to throw out cards you've never seen. To further my displeasure, this is the only school to choose such a lackadaisical admissions process. Schools of all shapes and sizes have found a way to expedite the process, and these schools paid much more in postage than it will take for the roughly half-mile journey that UNC's letter will have to embark on. I would even be willing to make the journey myself to pick it up, if only I was informed that it was waiting in the appropriate receptacle. I've heard that No News is Good News, but I don't think it applies in this situation. I'm not saying that UNC will be the place I go to law school if I am allowed in, nor am I saying that I expect to be admitted. But, I am saying that I've got that gamblers itch and it's a terrible waste of time to watch the dealer keep shuffling the deck, while I sit and wait on UNC law.

Sparta is my muse

And as such, it has inspired me to create.

4. "South Campus Renovation" - So we have a master plan; some great vision to lead this campus through its transitions to the 21st century. And some kid must have drawn this plan with crayons on the back of a restaurant placemat. Because otherwise, we really wasted that money paying the planners. Making south campus the center of campus? Why build more dorms, farther and farther away from classes? Because of the overwhelming demand to move south? Better Climate? The aura from the Dean Dome wears off about the 3rd week of classes; trust me, I had 2 years in the Ehringhaus Community. There are some good things about being down south, but most of them revolved around the shared suffering that all underclassmen endured while dreaming of making it North. We had the stinky dining hall, we had the highrise dorms, we had the underage drinking, we had the P2P. All real cool shit, until you grow up, get a car, turn 21, and realize that you gained 20 lbs and ruined some clothing eating that shit. And sharing a little box of a shower with 7 people sucks some huge throbbing cock (gratuitous homo-erotic reference for those other residents of G9). So why try and build more, shift the focus, and generally encourage this part of campus to expand even more? Like the Hospital didn't create enough traffic and parking drama. Basically, we are trying to make our own superdense college zone, so we can give that school in Raleigh a run for giant, treeless, depressing concrete and brick campus of the year. I'm sure you are saying, so Alex, you magnificent bastard (if you really say that, badass) what do you think we should do about expansion? Well, #1, I don't want it to happen. But if happen it must, why not work together with Chapel Hill to perhaps create a center of town, instead of just going outward? Why not cross Franklin street? There was always that Carolina North idea, 30 years in the making, that still has not happened. And if CH can make their surface lots into hotels and condos, and other random space they have yet to decide, why not buy a bit of that for us? Because obviously, if faced with the choice of living next to the hospital or a street full of bars and restaurants, I'd choose the bars (shocker, I know).

#5 and such

5. "The Swim Test"- Yes I realize the relative ease of the required Swim Test. Yes, I am confident that I can pass it. But, why should this University require successful completion in order to receive a Degree? How in the world can swimming make you a better Lawyer, Doctor, or Teacher? I'm sure that everyone will now remind me that it's a good thing to have well-rounded students; ones that will not come to an untimely death while riding a paddleboat, or falling off a fishing pier. However, for those of us who never learned the art of swimming, why should we now be forced by our "University of the People" into that irrational and unnatural act? Sadly, instead of going as a bright-eyed freshman and waiting enthusiastically in line, I am forced to struggle to find my oldass pair of swimming trunks that have not been used since a previous spring break (used, as in worn to drink in the pool, not Olympic swimming pool laps) and pray that I don't drown from some sort of hangover-inactivity combination. Thank you, Carolina. And perhaps the most infuriating development: Incoming freshmen no longer are required to take the test. So the University has seen the error of its ways. Yet, I am still required to take the swim test to graduate? What a fucktabulously ridiculous situation.

Continued

6. "Student Government"- Perhaps it was once an honor to serve on the student government's boards, in the student congress, or among the honor court. I definitely admire the idea of a student body governing itself, administering its own judicial decisions, etc. But honestly, these days, the elections, the candidates, and the entire process have become a circus for the DTH to waste pages on. We have a generic, white, usually well connected candidate (Cary, Charlotte, or some other well-to-do area). We have a generic minority candidate, supported by the BSM, or whatever other various student organizations deem him/her worthy. And then we proceed to the worthless online elections. Has anyone stopped to wonder who calculates the totals? Where is the open process of election tallying? Since we have a completely online process, we are at the mercy of ATN. And when the internet happens to malfunction (see this year's election process) we are left with a judgment that is not only flawed, but perhaps completely fabricated. Yes, this is a conspiracy theory. But honesty, if the presidential election can come down to a few counties in West Palm Beach, why can't a few-hours-long blackout of campus networks be a deciding factor? And in the end, all we get is a huge popularity contest for who will get to add this to their resume. Because what agenda has succeeded in the past few years? We got a bike pump that didn't work. We got tuition raises that we could not oppose. And all of this after we were promised much more. Let us be honest these days: no student elected officer has any power beyond a column in the DTH.