Great news for the panthers

Just found this wonderful article. This is what happens when your players go into that wonderful state of South Carolina.

A Plan for the Ages

First of all, please click on the ads, and use the google search bar. It makes me money, and google is kickass. Second, I think that I would like to burn the cubes, and the upcoming final four/national championship games provide the perfect opportunity to do so. They would burn like hell's own inferno if lit properly, since they are coated with paint so thick it should be declared a fire hazard. Also, they are already outside, and ripe for ignition. Not to jinx the team, but I would love to see them go (along with alot of the furniture from the union, while we are at it). However, I am fairly certain that the furinture in the union could be put to better use in my home, or perhaps sold in some manner. If alpine bagel was a freestanding structure, it would be nice to burn it as well, but we all know it is attached. Today, I slept until 1, went to my 2:00 class, returned, laid on my bed with the window open, read some Don Quixote, and slept until 6:40, at which point I went to work. If there was any doubts as to how badly Spring break ruined me, today took care of them. Lacking bread for a sandwhich, I ate a pack of lunchmeat with a granola bar, and the combination worked out well. Perhaps this is a healthier alternative, since bread only leads to mayo and cheese, two unhealthy additions to any sandwhich. If you want a good cup of coffee, don't put coffeemate powdered creamer in it, as it will promptly make the cup of coffee from promising into Asscrap. Tommorow, we watch the Ring in movie class. Hopefully it will be hot again as today was, because my legs need sunlight, as does my pepper plant. Warmness is a mixed bag; on one hand, it is comfortable and allows for outside activities, but on the other, it is a pleasant precursor to the imminent superhot humid hell of oncoming summer. Since the cat will not go back into the bag, let us embrace the heat and wear shorts (skirts for the ladies, please), preferably shorts you have had since high school, along with an abercrombie T-shirt that has a cigarette burn in it from an interesting episode while driving on the interstate.

Tendercrisp bacon cheddar Ranch

The breasts, they grow on trees. And somehow, this commerical lives on, far longer than any burger king commerical for a mysterious sandwhich no one will ever eat featuring a burned out pop star in a strange cowboy outfit and a collection of attractive women in bizarre clothing should. It has become a cultural event, much like the Geico commericals, and their immediate predecessor, Mentos (the freshmaker). As far as pervasiveness, one can find references to this icon of commerical genius even in esteemed page 2 articles on ESPN.com. However, the very curious nature of the commerical is this; after watching it, I still have no desire to eat the sandwhich, or even visit the Burger King. Perhaps this is due to the fact that the Burger King in the bottom of Lenior dining hall is the only fast food resturant in the world (the world I have seen, anyway) that unashamedly utilizes a MICROWAVE in every meal they prepare. Instead of the sizzle of a grill or the pop of a deep fryer (think chik-fil-a) the only sound coming from the back of BK is a steady HMMM followed by a beeping when the meal is ready. Obviously, this melts the cheese very well, but does not do much for the flavor and consistency of the meat. And sadly, I do not think the Tendercrisp bacon cheddar ranch lives there. On a happier note, the time spent in Sparta allowed me to drive the new F-350 (strange how vehicles are purchased after I have left for college), and it is a dream, everything that a rumbling 6.0 liter powerstroke diesel wedgewood blue 6 speed transmission with grillguard and spray-on bedliner should be. The major drawback for me was the location of the Reverse, oddly placed on the left of the shifting pattern, a place not natural for R to be. However, upon further experience, that I recieved taking the trash to the Dump (yes, in the country, we have to take our own trash, there are no convienent dumpsters or curbside pickup) it became more familiar to me, and the power of the beast was sizable, greater than the previous F-350 with the powerstroke, 7.3 liter version. Obviously, dad did not purchase this one with Mom in mind, as Pam is, and has always been, completely unable to operate a manual transmission. Not that a vehicle of this size would be a good idea for Pam, with her 5 ft height and 20/1 million vision. Let us be real for a moment; my internet sucks. If you find yourself asking why I have not consistently posted, or why you have not had the chance to chat with me online about various and sundry topics, it is directly related to the decision of some neighbor of mine to suddenly and bastardly password protect their connection. I ask you, is a little stolen bandwidth such a bad thing? A more victimless crime has yet to be committed. Go forth, and find the ubiquitious sandwhich of which Darius sings, perhaps BK will let you have it your way.

its about time for a vacation

Well, we have been back to school for about, well, 3 days now. And of those days, I have gone to class only 1. yes, vacation continues for alex, despite "schoolweek" resuming. Even better, after I go to my 2 classes tommorow, we get another 3 day vacation. So I dont feel so bad about it. I have only had pizza for dinner once this week, a marked improvement from the dining habits of last week. Sparta visit is on tap for the weekend, but not before we can break the beerpong table in a little more on thursday night, probably with a little left over beer from Jimmy's case that he not-so-intelligently left here, haha. But, I was reminded of certain elements of break that I might have missed laying around in 40H when I noticed yesterday that even the normally white as a sheet Liz had more of a tan than I did. And it isn't like im going out of my way to get one anytime soon. Fireworks went off tonight to celebrate the new ram's head center, luckly at the time I was walking on the backside of the massive monolith that is Davis library, so they were completely shielded from view. Guess that is my kind of luck these days. But, since I had just found a parking space behind said library, I cannot pretend to complain all that much. Kinda like skipping your movie class, only to realize that the movie of the day was moulin rouge anyway, so you weren't missing much. The dumbass dishwasher decided to break today, which is a nice touch. If we paid more rent, I might be mad about how many things randomly break around this place. However, considering that we have been responsible for most of the destruction, especially of the walls and sliding glass door, we have no room to talk; perhaps we should pray that the repair guys dont notice all the other fucked up stuff on their way to the dishwasher.
This weekend is 3 days long HOT DAMN, thats a good thing, because I was not looking forward to that 5th day of the week. It is like training for a marathon, you don't bust out 20 miles in a day, you have to pace yourself. Start with running down the block. Actually, you should probably start with getting out of bed, that has been the major stumbling block around here lately. If you don't know how to find a book in the library, and you know who you are, just remeber: You are Dumb. That is all for today, have a good thursday (and probably friday, saturday, and sunday, as I don't see myself banging out posts in sparta. There really is that much cool stuff to do there, I promise.)

Creating a new post

What we've got here is a failure to communicate. That is from cool hand luke, a movie I bought at Target after eating at a Golden Corral in Durham. It pretty much sums up the lack of blog activity the past few days. In case you didn't realize it, you ignorant ass, I was on Spring Break. What did I do over SB, you ask? Well, lots of things. I went to sparta for a very short amount of time, probably less than 24 hours in duration. Saw the parents, the new dog, who is a completely black austrailan shepard, and the new, gigantic F-350 dad has bought with all the money that he doesn't ever seem to have when it comes time to give me a dollar or two. All the more reason for me to drive it around, which i proceeded to do, in a hellraising manner. Came back to meet Mr. Dan Findlay, a man without a home for the next week or so. From then on, break truly began. And what a break it was, with me, paul, and dan living in 40H. Think about the lazyest week of your life, perhaps a summer break in elementary school, or some such lack of activity. That is roughly the week I put together. I ate pizza every day. Pizza frozen, Pizza from domino's, Pizza from Franklin P&P, all enjoyed on a regular basis. I supplemented this diet with some Red Dog, some Busch Light, and Diet coke, of course. Somehow, a crazy asshole from our apartment complex stole a crosswalk sign, and it is laying, post and all, in our backyard. I noticed this while i was painting the BEERPONG table. Oh, did I mention I made a BEERPONG table? I created it with the work of my own two hands (and paul and dan), while the plywood was propped up on our empty keg and black trashcan on the porch. Funny story: as I was cleaning the roller of the hellasscrap that is polyurethane, I realized that there was no easy way to dispose of the waste product. So, being one of those people who does not give a shit about the backyard, I threw it over the balcony. It appears that there is quite a bit of dead grass there now. How about BUCKNELL? Was there any more exciting game, that I was forced to follow via the scoreboard on Sportsline.com? Hell yes, with a kid named BADMUS and a rented band from Northern Iowa (who they paid with $150 for pizza and orange BUCKNELL shirts) they kicked the ass of Kansas. Throw in the hilarious Tom Brennan and his comments about Vermont being a tough state to live in, and the Epic game of WEST VIRGINIA over wake, it was quite a week for basketball. Obviously, the first day held little excitement, and Dan was commenting about the lack of upsets and excitement in the tournament. God decided to make Dan look like an asshole, and promptly put toghether the damnest stretch of upsetness that anyone had seen. Excitement abounded, and perhaps a new phrase has been born, Pulling a Bucknell (Ok, maybe i just want this one to succeed very much). I went to the Harris-Teeter on Airport Rd. and spent $53. But, I saved $22! That's Twenty Two fucking U.S. american dollars. God bless VIC. Buy one get one free eggs and a 6 pack of anchor steam and 3 cases of busch, milwaukee's best, and southpaw later, we baked a yellow cake with chocolate icing, and made 3 boxes of Mac and Cheese. That is right, BAKED a CAKE. I am not ashamed, there is no shame in creating in the kitchen, bitches. So yeah, its been a pretty good week for not doing anything. Don't ever doubt my post-creating ablity simply because I have taken a week off. And never, ever, ever watch Spring Break Shark Attack on CBS. Its the worst damn movie ever. I have 1350 songs on my iPod. I have 2 blank scantrons on my desk. I have a beerpong table in my living room, begging for use. I have a scrap of cake left. And, perhaps most importantly, I have full recovery from the Hell week that preceeded this one. With the Fires of Hell behind me, it is time to admire the tans of those who wasted shitloads to go to the beach and get wasted, while they could have enjoyed the simple pleasures of Making the Band 3 and Pizza in its various and sundry forms. Experience the Tubular revelation of life with absolutely nothing to do; it will bring back your focus, restore your sanity, and help you pull a Bucknell.

Lists

So, this week has sucked. Not in a figurative, wish I had lived the week to its potential way. Also not in a it is rainy and cold and windy way. No, this week has been, BOOM MOTHERFUCKER YOU ARE UNPREPARED FOR LIFE kinda suck. But hey, its almost over at this point, so we should look ahead to the positives of spring break and no more tests for a long time. One consistent positive has been the massive amout of luck I have when buying diet pepsi. Yesterday at work, I bought 2 DP's. Not one free song, but two! Exceptional luck for a game that claims odds of 1:3. I think my win total is somewhere in the 12-14 range now; this should tell you something about how many I buy at work. Another strong positive has been my well-honed last minute studying skills, since the duke game really didn't help me prepare for this week at all. It helped me see things burned on Franklin street and buy my first blue cup, with borrowed money from dustin because I carry no cash. I also took the opportunity to call my dad (DUKE fan), also while in He's Not. It is a unique and invigorating experience to talk to your parents on the phone while drinking a huge blue cup of beer, and listening to your father make excuses about missed free-throws. At least he doesn't like shavlik randolph. As I sit here, I have just placed the leg of my pants into the ranch dip, which was very smooth on my part. Tommorow is the final test, and since I am currently wasting time, I will quickly dispatch the rest of this post with a few lists, since they are easier to make than actual coherent sentances. Maybe not all my sentances are coherent anyway, but it's been a tough one people.
Things I'd like to do:
1. Go to Alaska
2. Get paid to watch Movies (or read books, or play playstation games)
3. Make Dean's List, just one time.
4. Win a Blue intramural champions shirt before I graduate. (the chances on this one are slim)
5. Build a castle out of money that I win in the lottery.
6. Catch this castle on fire, just to prove how much money I have. (but then I would put it out really fast, because you can't burn money, duh.)
7. Hit the jump next to the public library in Sparta with some kind of badass car like a ferrari or a porsche, just to see how much air you can really get.
8. Retire.
At the info desk last night, I found a worn bible, and started flipping through it, since it had lots of page markers and what seemed to be interesting notes. The page I happened to land on was the first page of first cornithians, and nestled inside were 2 Virginia Lotto tickets. Does this qualify as Irony?

How I spent my Saturday Vacation.

Words are used to describe weekends. Words like Relaxing, Exciting, Epic, Eventful. Today started out in that manner. Hardee's began the day. Hardee's, where it turns out, staff relations are not the strongest point of the training program. The girl at the register, after taking our orders into the computer, began to flip out because the register wouldn't clear. She turned to us, and casually informed us she could not complete our order till some manager came, then talked shit about the manager with her coworker, while also commenting on how half the staff spoke spanish and she didn't speak it for shit. All I wanted, was my hardee's cup, so that I could proceed to the Beverage Bar and get myself some diet coke, but no, we had to wait. Wait, and look at the biscuits, and fried chicken, and Thickburgers going out to happy drive through customers. Finally, the Mushroom and Swiss arrived to me, and I ate it happily, on my way to Davis Library to bust out learning like no other. Perhaps I should have prefaced this by saying instead of going to APO semiformal, as I never have, I instead went to Carolina Coffee shop and drank rum and coke's all night while talking to Dustin about key west and listening to a band play the Legend of Zelda theme on a sax and a piano. This was instigated by the ever-troublesome Jimmy, as I had no plans of going out, and instead wanted to sit at home, eat baby carrots, and wear my mesh carolina shorts. So, I went by wendy's and got a Spicy Chicken ($5.13), picked up the ever-slow Dude Searcy, and arrived at Lewis. Everyone took a miller high life of mine, and we walked. There was a Cover ($2), and made the mistake of ordering a beer on $2 highball night ($2.50). After this, I realized my error, and began to purchase rum and coke, (3 at $2, so $6). At this point, my cash reserves had been depleted. I don't run tabs with the debit card, because that is a recipe for disaster. So Mr. Searcy stepped up with the cash money, and the drinks flowed some more. We ended up crashing the formal, I yelled at Paul about the Power bill he hasn't paid me for then spillled beer on the pool table, and saw Dan at cosmic wearing a Ohio State hat; no reason given for that fasion faux pas. "Hush" by Deep Purple has quickly become a favorite song, and gives me the fire to go about studying on a weekend when the rest of chapel hill seems intent on burning shit and flipping cars (Duke game, for those of you not in the know). Hopefully, that is, seeing as the game hasn't happened yet. Davis today was not the productivity I had hoped for it; at one point, as I sat in my wooden stall on the 7th floor, wearing my headphones, stealing music from myTunes and reading the random skribblings on the back wall, I heard a sound I had never expected to hear in Davis Library, ever. Sex sounds? No, unfortunately not. Loud Farting? No, luckly not this either. It was the mornful sound of a child, crying and yelling its head off. Why, why why why would anyone ever take their youngass child to the 7th floor of Davis, and proceed to let it ball its eyes out? Crazyness ensued, and I took the time to go get a diet pepsi. Boom, another free song, I win again. It's to the point where I expect to win every time, Fuck the 1 in 3 shit. Perhaps the worst decision of the day was making the dinner choice of CiCi's. Damn that place, though I love it like a forbidden pleasure. The main problem with the place is this: everytime I go, the buffet layout prompts me to eat more than I should, and then the tempting dessert forces me to eat that as well. As is standard practice, I came home, hit the couch, and promptly slept till 11:30ish. I awoke to Chris making chocolate pudding in the kitchen, not a normal thing to see around 40H. At first, I scoffed at pudding; do I look like Bill Cosby? But then, later, after Paul returned and the idea had rattled around for a while inside my brain, out came the pudding, and we disposed of it quickly. Damn good it was. Here is an interesting concept: In hell, what kind of bullshit jobs will Satan be making people do? Not that I plan on going there, but in the off chance that I am fucked so bad I don't quite make it to the big house in the sky, I'm pretty positive that it will either be Hanging tobacco in a Tin Barn on a hotass August day, or working at the Union in the daytime with Mrs. Watkins as my direct supervisor, hung over, hungry for chinese food, with chapped lips and a TUCKED IN shirt. Let us be real for a moment, Who does't love Chinese food? Next week I am fucked, Have a good Sunday

Sweet Melissa

So today I did my usual late afternoon routine of Cosmic Veggie Burrito and home for TV. As I sat, watching a classic Seinfield (the waiting room/cantelope/golf ball episode) I saw the new Cingular wireless commercial. Now me being a fan of music, I liked the earlier commercial with The Band (yes, the name of the band is THE BAND), and when I heard the first few seconds I knew what song was the newest choice, classic allman bros. "Melissa". This song is undoubtedly the shit, in case you aren't up on the bros. It is pretty damn cool to see commercials using classic rock that don't either rip the songs off or make them seem retarded by attaching them to some goofy campagin. I also saw a commercial for the Ring 2. Now that was a fucked up movie, not only for what happened during the movie, but the way it ended. What a badass dark ending. Also, I should clarify my position on Cultural Relavitism, in regards to a question asked about an earlier post. Personally I do not endorse the views that professor May expresses in class, I just relate them. My own views should have been made fairly clear in the post about Janet Ward and the bastard listserv, but anyway, my own opinions fall a little closer to human rights minimalism; there are a small group of basic rights that we can hope to get all societies to subscribe to, but this group is very small, and consist of only the most basic rights of man. All other rights, even rights we have here in america, are ones we cannot force other cultures to adopt. It might not gel with what popular human rights propaganda says, but in my opinion it is the most logical and most likely to succeed method of advocating Human Rights. Joshua Cohen and John Rawls are two philopshers of note in reference to this type of view. So I spent some time in Davis last night, and I realized that I love stealing songs on a high-speed network. 146 songs in 30 minutes is not too damn shabby, friend. I think I just might be in for a good asskicking next week, with 3 exams and a paper on the way. With this shit in mind, I will probably be pretty boring this weekend. This morning was a small glimpse of what's to come; I woke up about 10 minutes before time for the bus, didn't shower, cooked a hotpocket and brushed my teeth before it was done, so I had to eat it after brushing, erasing all progress achieved. I didn't get to eat it all the way, and as we ran down the trail to catch the bus on time, I threw the hell out of it and hit the strange manhole cover that mysteriously stands in the middle of the woods. Boom! Turkey Broccoli and Cheddar explosion. At work I changed the background of the computer to a picture from the new SI swimsuit online content, a real good one of Marissa Miller. Wonder how long that will last on the computer? Probably about as long as the ill-fated Co-ed poster that lasted all of 1 weekend on the wall. Well then, allow myself to excuse....myself, cause I need to eat and sleep and do work and watch Basketball.

I want you kids to go down and chug the anti-freeze in the Garage.

So perhaps I missed the point where all of life's various and sundry philosophies were reduced to a single, sad and simple-minded view, best expressed as "Today has Sucked." It seems that everyone has subscribed to the new view of awfulness. I grow weary of reading sad and pity-starved away messages, stupid song quotes, poem quotes, movie quotes, all designed to illicit sympathy. I bet if you really thought about your day, and about all the things that happened to you, in a legitmately objective fashion, you would find you ended up at least even, if not a little higher. Really, any day you walk away from, you probably did alright in. This isn't saying that some days don't truly SUCK, but if you approach each day with the intention of tallying the negatives and discounting the positives, well, you're fucked. I personally subscribe to the today has sucked school in certain situations, but it's tough to always fight it off. My only point in this entire post is this, if you don't at least try to find something good about your day, you will be sure to think it sucked.

Brown Water

After my earlier diatribe regarding the poli sci listserv, I had some quality Taco Bell, and proceeded to the Union to bust out a 9-1am. It is probably a good time to point out that today I had 2 Diet Cokes and 2 Large alpine Coffees. Thats like $8 worth of brown-colored, caffenne inhanced water. All for the purpose of making me loud and obnoxiously irritating to roommates and coworkers for a short period, then leading to a complete shutdown and cessation of activity. Why do I even buy drinks at all? I think it might be smarter to just buy a bottle of caffene pills, a big bottle of water, and just walk around popping them and chugging H2O. Another question arises in regard to sleep, and the necessity of it: Do fish sleep? How would they pull it off, without like floating to the top, or like just getting washed away and really lost? For that matter, do Fish get lost? Who the hell really knows. Do insects sleep? Judging by the amount of mosquitos that are around in summer, I think not. What about bacteria, surely they don't sleep at all. Why do we need a shitload of sleep, why not just like 3 hours worth? And, perhaps most puzzling of all, why am I unable to go to bed before 2:30 any night of the week, for any reason? I love baby carrots, and without them, the world just might suck ass. Time for me to stop with the rampant speculation about the nature of sleep and carrotless life, get to work on a paper, and find myself a newass job, because the Union is Fucking up. Have a good Tuesday.