Chicken Fries

Oh goddamn, here goes burger king again with another terrible idea for a fast food product. Really, what is so cool about these chicken "fries" that seem to have come to the forefront of the advertising campaign? Come on BK, what are y'all thinking about over there? IT'S JUST A SKINNY CHICKEN NUGGET. Simply shaping a processed chicken product into a French Fry shape does not magically confer upon it any qualities it would not posess shaped in its usual roundish shape. Like the mysterious "chicken rings" my high school cafeteria served on a regular basis, its hard to imagine this oddly shaped food product having its origins in a living animal; let's just think about what parts of animals are shaped like these interesting, deep fried creations. I guess all the money over at Burger King went to pay Dairus Rucker and Brooke Burke for that badass tendercrisp bacon cheddar ranch commercial; they obviously aren't spending money on those office commericals for the Angus. I'm not going to lie, I've got a soft spot for BK, and I keep hoping that one day when I go there they will have miraciously stopped sucking and live up to the memories I used to have, of eating double bacon cheeseburgers like they were the shit. Dad always said the damn place was dogfood (he said that shit about Golden China and Taco Bell as well, he's wrong as fuck about those two) and I guess he's pretty much right now. For fuck's sake guys, why do you have to constantly use the microwave in the preperation of my food? I bought an angus the other day; boom, straight to the damn microwave for some "reheating". That's not how you keep my business (and don't offer me these stupid chicken fries, cause I ain't impressed).

Powerstroke

Due to the impending move from 40H to the new home at G9 Mill Creek, I am in possession of the F-350 for at least another week. I reccomend we grill out immediately, using the tailgate as a bench to sit and drink, while listening to the radio with the doors open. And yes, I'm serious.

Bacon

So I don't know how you feel about the eating of pig, the wonderfully fat, ugly, dirty animal that gives us such wonderful products as bacon, baby back ribs, sausage, and pork rinds. Perhaps you are like Samuel L. in Pulp Fiction; You don't want anything to do with the filthy animal. Or perhaps you are like Mr. Travola in the same film; You love it cause it tastes GOOOOOOD! (and damn, it sure does) Personally, I'm no fan of pigs. They smell like all kinds of hell, make a mess, and aren't really that friendly. Let's be real, cows are 10 times fucking cooler, and chickens are birds so who gives a shit about them. BUUUUT, I like my ribs and I like my bacon and I like my pork rinds every now and again. Now, with this said, and with what yall know about me and my eating habits, you know I am no where near a vegetarian; but today I tried some of this Morningstar "bacon". I say "bacon" because obviously it contains no pork (100% vegetarian), which I viewed with skepticism. Upon further inspection, the outward apperance of the strips did not do anything to dispell my uncertainty, but after a few minutes in the microwave, the smell was inviting. So, with much trepidation, I took a bite. And damn, it was actually good. Like, I would eat it more. And I'm pretty damn glad they are finally making decient food with no cholesterol, cause let's be honest, in the back of every dudes head is that little concern about heart disease (we ain't kids anymore, haha). So yes, I ate vegetarian food and liked it. Maybe I'm turning into a college-hippy-pussy-nutjob, but in my defense, there's still quite a few pounds of frozen beef in the fridge. And oh yeah, I haven't seen vegetarian baby backs around (and I definately won't be trying them if they exist.)

Wedding Crashers is pretty damn good

Mom, the meatloaf! FUCK!

addition

unfortunately, the previous list was incomplete; the vital addition of time eating mediocre food at the patio with ms. sheets (wow, that sounds weird. I don't think I like using that, we'll go with Maloree Elise), although she will likely develop some excuse relating to making dinner for her family or talking on the phone (haha).

Taking it to the streets (that's how J brad does it)

Sparta this weekend yall; I got 40 nations ready to roll son, I got a damn coaliton of the willin (haha yeah, actually I just have winter clothes and unnecessary items from 40H). The parents decided they wanna live up the summer with vacation #2 to the outer banks (that's how it goes when you're a retired teacher) BUT, with a bustling industry like phipps family farms you can't leave the property unattended. SO who's enlisted to feed the dog and watch the cows? Yep, you know who. So to make the best of the situation, I have a few goals for myself: 1. I need to eat some good ribs at home, it has been far too long since I had a good meal at motley's BBQ. 2. I need to eat some good chinese; I haven't ate at golden china since way back. (You can see food is the main thing I think about most of the time) 3. I'm gonna drive the damn F-350 all the hell over the county, cause dad has a diesel tab at the store but he isn't home to tell me to keep the miles down. 4. I need to somehow sunburn my legs so they aren't white as paper when compaired to my already sunburnt arms and sholders. So yeah, I understand this is a pretty crappy sounding list, but I think it covers all the bases when it comes to what I need to get done. Oh damn, I almost forgot going to wal-mart; there's no place like home.

The Ditch

Remeber that ditch on south road I bitched about a few posts earlier? Well, the construction people found a novel use for it the other day; they backed a damn fully loaded cement truck into it. After it was confirmed that no one was actually hurt from the incident, it was agreed by the observers (CTOPS parents and unoccupied union employees looking for excitement) that this was the damnest spectacle ever witnessed in the long history of campus construction. A fully loaded concrete truck weighs quite a bit; also loaded cement sets up after a short period when not in constant motion (hence the rotating drum), so the vehicle quickly became a solid, wedged mass in the mysterious ditch, requiring 2 trucks to remove. Luckily, after the great excitement, work on the ditch continued at its breakneck pace. A well-oiled machine such as this construction team cannot stand idle for long.

Dumb as Damnit

Watching the daily show tonight, Jon Stewart was his usual self (I like him because he's probably the only guy on tv in political discourse (yes, it is politics, come on) that will actually have a real point/counterpoint discussion without shouting/insulting) and when it was pointed out he might lose the state of alabama for a crack he had just made about an alabama supreme court judge, he said "oh come on, its alabama, like they have comedy central." Why is this noteworthy, since it's obvious I don't live in Alabama? Because Alleghany Cablevision (Sparta's best and only source for cable) DOESN'T HAVE COMEDY CENTRAL !!!!! It's a abserd joke on the Daily Show, but it's fuckin real life up in S-town, damnit. What do we have? We've got the goddamn SPEED channel, GAC (great american country), OLN, Tech fuckin TV, the motherfucking totally worthless UNIVISION, and various other cable un-notables. Why the hell do we have these stupid worthless channels when we don't have the cornerstone of modern entertainment? We have a community access channel that is just a powerpoint running on a computer in the high school "cyberclassroom" with announcements of what is for lunch that week! But the damn finest example of why alleghany cablevision is the biggest shitass organization in the world, is the channel of local announcements and the "current" date. See, around 1999 or so, everyone in the world made sure their computer systems were ready for the Y2K bug, so they could go ahead and advance beyound the year 2000. Round about 12:00 eastern, everything went smoothly everywhere; everywhere, that is, except for the office of Alleghany Cablevision. In the only example I have ever truly seen of the Y2k bug, the date changed not to 2000, but to some random year in the 1960's (perhaps this was done intentionally by the office, instead of going all the damn way back to 1900, so the days would match up; but damn, if you can do that, why not just fix the problem?) Everyone in the county thought it was funny, laughed about it some, and figured yeah, thats how it goes in Sparta. Over the 4th of July weekend, I was in Sparta. I watched the Cable. And the date is now July, 1972. WHAT THE FUCK!?! IT'S 5 GODDAMN YEARS LATER! (in case you think it is just a temporary glitch, I can assure you that every time I return, I faithfully check, just in case a miracle occurs. It never fucking does.)

Directions

So I was running down the road the other day, when I was stopped by not 1, but 2 seperate cars asking for directions. They were both pretty easy directions; one was cobb, the other was winston. However, this little episode made two things very clear to me about directions around this damn campus: 1. Our campus is not labeled, signed, directed, whatever the hell you wanna say, worth a damn. Yeah there are names on the buildings; but there is no way to see that shit unless you are up close, and half the times, the name is only on one entrance. They did that shit with the white hanging signs, but evidently money ran out (guess they had to finance the neverending ditch going down south road) before they could get around to the buildings hardest to find. I'm damn glad there is a sign for Hanes hall (easy as fuck to find; right in the main quad) but not for anything you need to see from the road, except for those stupid parking lot signs that don't make anything clear, except how you are not allowed to park there. 2. You better either explain to people how much construction is going on around the destination they have in mind, or get the hell alway from where you were before so when they come back confused they can't be mad at you for telling them how to get to a dorm that is currently surrounded by a giant construction fence and a crane. Obviously, it helps to walk off the road; people aren't crusing across the quad asking for directions to Alexander. (seriously, what the hell is that ditch going down south road? its like a giant hole they dug, fucked around in, and then filled back up. I never saw any pipe, wires, missle silos, etc down there. And damn, can't they spray a little water on that shit? It's like the dustbowl driving down there; concrete dust isn't quite the greatest introduction for the CTOPS kiddies)

wow

I did a really decient job of making a blog post, even though I was pretty damn drunk. I'm proud of myself, and perhaps I will do it more often. (notice the 4:30 publishing time; what the hell was I doing posting to a blog that late???)

Fuckin hell

Yes, look at me, making two posts in one day! Anyway, we think perhaps my roommate chris is dead on the side of the road, or otherwise unibilitated, because we found alot of hair in his sink, and general disorder in his room. If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of mr. Chris Butts, please contact 1-919-423-7418 immediately, as we are definately worried sick. Take some boys from Colorado out to Top O, you'll see a wild time, I promise. Let's all drink and read our library books (haha yeah, like you guys go to the library); I might be watching the house in sparta next weekend, yes! This concludes the drunk portion of this blog post, hope you all enjoyed the inebriated version of the real thing, LATER!

What about wal-mart?

So I took a week off from blogging. Sorry, geez, didn't realize people expected output from me on the week of the 4th of july, so I shut down like Jessie's barber shop for the whole damn week (it's in independence, a town that is remarkably smaller than Sparta). Anyway, yes, I had fun on the trip to S-town. Most of you will never know the simple joy of floating down the wideass, shallow New River (they claim it's the second oldest river in the world, but really, who the hell knows that?) with a "New River mix pack" (PBR, Budweiser, Yuengling) 1 pack of cigarettes, 1 quart jar of strawberry moonshine, and two other members of the elite alleghany high class of 2002. Letting my fat whiteness burn in the sunshine while constantly ramming rocks with my co-canoer patrick was the perfect "get away from it all" experience. Most of you will probably also never realize just how entertaining it can be to go to Wal-mart and buy clothing, especially the tackiest pair of swimming trunks you can find, because they were rolled back to 11 american dollars. I now want to talk about something very exciting to me, something I have anticipated for quite a while; The Crunchwrap Supreme from Taco Bell. Yes, I finally had one, in the company of mr. Andy McMillian, (who also happens to occupy my old job at Roaring Gap Lake Grill, a proud line of Sparta men cooking) and I have to say, I'm a fan of the new portable. I went to a party at my neighbor's house, and drank beer with my old elementry school wrestling coach (he's not really that old, it was just funny), and various other sparta notables, while letting my neighbor justin know that my dad did not appreciate his dog jake digging bigass holes in our yard and fucking up our garden hose; this progressed into a general imitation of my dad's various mannerisms, since almost EVERY person at the gathering had been taught in 7th grade by my dad. I also attended a party at the old workplace, where 24oz-ers were the norm and shots of Courvoisier (god, what a waste of money) were taken, like we were high rollers (haha). Finally, by the end of the trip, I was able to even out the sunburn on my left arm from driving home with sunburn on the rest of my body from floating down the river; I'm now a happily pealing mess of dead skin flakes in a crab-red hue. But you take what Sparta gives you, and I can't really complain this time.