News from Raleigh

This week, Andrew "andypants" McMillan directed me to a news story that is perhaps the oddest yet most intriguing political tale ever told. It seems that amist the Student Body President elections at NCSU, the usual doucebag career-overachiever types had a little competition, from a man calling himself the "Pirate Captain", and surrounding himself with a crew of pirate buddies, he threw his hat into the ring. Now, oddball canidates are nothing new, but this guy is above and beyond anything I've ever heard of; he has yet to reveal his actual name, and speaks in pirate language, "I couldn't bae happier,' the Captain said. 'The wind bae in our sails. It warms our souls and carries our boats. More than amazing was the ratio of student votes he recieved, 44%; the next highest competitor garnered 21% of the vote. In one single situation is the most disturbing and most hilarous example of the bullshit that is student elections. On one hand, it is obvious that the process is a joke if it takes a guy dressed as a pirate to create the largest turnout in a student election; with the UNC system in turmoil due to budget cuts and tuition increases, now is the time when student leaders should be most important in speaking for the interests of their constituents. On the other hand, none of the jackasses that ever actually run for the position have any real intention of doing anything monumental, instead, they are simply interested in adding it to their Law School applications. The BOG never takes Students seriously, and with ass-kissers as representatives, we don't do very well. But before I make this guy out to be a working class hero, we should remeber, He is Dressed as a Pirate. And how seriously can you take a guy dressed as a pirate? Obviously this story has caught my attention, and the deep intellectual questions it raises could occupy great minds for hours. Also, NC State is going to have a Pirate for a SBP, and how retardedly hilarious is that? Those crazy kids in Raleigh; it must be all that brick.